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The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to navigate love, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's response is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing mystery and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who opt out of having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions validate your choice to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely benign quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {